Bullion

After the recent financial troubles it must be tempting to think that we never should've dumped the gold standard.

In the old days gold was the standard by which all monies were measured. After the Second World War America dropped the gold standard and make the dollar the standard. And the dollar hasn't been that healthy of late.

Some people have said the Euro could be the standard of the future but after Greece needed to be bailed out by the rest of the Euro zone it showed the weaknesses in the pan-European currency.

For all that people say the gold standard should not have been dropped we have to realise there are physical limitations. Look at it this way, all the gold that has ever been mined has been estimated at around 142,000 metric tons. At US$1,000 per ounce the total value of all the gold ever mined would be around $4.5 trillion. That's less than the value of circulating money in the U.S. so you see that problem. And quantitative easing isn't possible under those restrictions.

However, the limitation on the amount of gold is a plus point if you think about gold as an investment. While supply is restricted and demand if free to grow the price will tend to increase. A quick look at the gold price shows is has been on the up for the last two weeks without a break.

With all this in mind it may be time to buy gold bullion. If you want to see more have a look at the www.usgoldbureau.com website.

Back To The Footure

Sports giant Nike has taken out a patent of the self-lacing sneakers worn by Marty McFly in Back to the Future 2.

They would've been better off taking out a patent on a time machine. That's the thing with Nike, they don't see the big picture.

If you patent the time travelling machine, when someone invents it you get to make money from it, buy one, go back in time and patent the self-lacing shoe. It's win-win.

There's hope the self-lacing Nike could really be in stores by 2015 after Nike took out a patent for the technology involved in making them.

Really? Shoes that tie themselves? Aren't we obese enough yet? For some people putting on shoes is the most exercise they get.

>Read more in the source story

Good News For Lap Dance Fans

A study of lap dancers has found that one in four has a university degree.

That's a bit pointless. It's always nice to be the cleverest person in a room but if they can walk and not dribble they'd be smarter than all the blokes they work with.

The majority of women in the industry were attracted by the money after finishing school and gaining qualifications, according to the research. Most said flexibility was the main attraction of the job.

Hmm. Flexibility is the main attraction of the women too.

But the academics called for better regulation to improve dancers' safety, including the banning of private booths in clubs.

Dancers are also open to exploitation by the clubs, which can impose "unfair" charges or fines on them.

They'll be used to unfair charges because they have to deal with tuition fees these days.

>Read more in the source story

If you don't know what we're talking about here is some research from the web...

Going For Silver

Have you ever thought about inventing in gold coins or silver ingots? I know that sounds like something that would be said in a medieval film but it is becoming more popular than you would realise.

One of the reasons behind this shift is that the world demand for silver has gone up and it now exceeds the annual production. More silver is wanted and it is depleting the above ground stockpiles. This means, as demand increases and supply drops off, price goes up.

That makes silver a good thing to invest in. If you want to see more about making such an investment click the link above.

Salt

I just watched the new film Salt. I really liked it.

In the film you see Angelina getting tortured and beaten up. I know what to get Jennifer Aniston for Christmas.

In the film you get a blonde Angelina and then a brunette Angelina. Why is it they never make the lead characters go ginger for a little while? It seems like they are under representing the red section of society.

The way it normally works is that the blonde version of a character is the good one and the dark haired version if the baddie.

Why can't they have a middle bit in the film where the lead character has to run for cover when the sun comes out a bit? They could have the lead actor fight off bullies and see them try to pull their romantic lead, who would have dark hair and dark eyes, as the ginger protagonist tries to give their off-spring someone else's dominant genes.

Maybe this is why I don't write films for a living.

AAA Stand-Up Late Goes Well

We're heading toward the end of the AAA Stand-Up Late shows. We're still on till the 30th so you still have the chance to come and see.

They've been going really well, but of course I would say that, wouldn't I? And reviews like the 4-star one from Three Weeks are lovely, but what do real people think?

Down Again

According to the newspapers we may be heading into a second part of this recession. We are seeing things like the rate of inflation moving upwards with the employment sector unlikely to provide pay increases to counteract it. All in all, the standard of living will be hit.

Another downturn in the economy would prolong the suffering we are already doing. But one thing that tends to happen during a recession is that investors move away from products like property and stocks as a place to invest their funds, and they move towards precious metals.

For example, you could invest in silver. Silver is available as a coin or in the form of an ingot. Demand for silver is greater than the levels of production, so the price has seen increases of late.

Gold is also a success story during times of economic instability. Once again, you get it as a coin, as an ingot or as bullion. It means you have a physical item that is your investment. That is far more certain than some shares in a company that could go under.

Woken Again

There are workmen doing some... work, I guess (the clue is in the title) outside the window. It's 1pm... in Edinburgh... during the festival. Some of us are trying to sleep!

This sleeping in business is getting worse. I had to set an alarm to get to an afternoon gig the other day. I have to rush if I want to make it to any shops before closing time.

I am thinking of performing the body clock loop the loop. I have often thought of it but never done it. That's where you go to bed later and later every day till you find you are actually getting up at a normal time. You lose a day but you get yourself back in step with the real world.

Edinburgh Transport

I am still up in Edinburgh. It's a lovely place. I had a bit of a mishap the other day. Up on Princes Street, near the big shops, where that homeless guy sits in the door way near BHS, there is the most pointless thing ever... the tram that doesn't move.

I see how having a tram and not running it is cheaper than running it, and we are in a recession, but it still seems odd. Maybe that's how it makes money, the tourists get on it, pay the cash and when they get bored of sitting there just walk instead. Genius.

Anyway, I was walking past it with a friend and said, "Look at that stupid, useless tram."

The homeless guy thought I said tramp. Long story short, I had to buy The Big Issue.

Double-Dip Recession

A lot of people have realised that it is a good idea to buy gold coins as a form of investment during the recession. This advice may remain good as a lot of economic forecasters are saying we are in for a double-dip recession.

Places like the United States Gold Bureau give you the opportunity to buy gold, silver and other precious metals. Some are as ingots and some are as coins. The point is, you have a physical asset for your investment.

During a economic boom, people tend to invest in companies as that company might make it big. But during a recession, it's more likely that any given company will go under. That's a big risk for you money. So, during these times people opt for the solid, tangible investment. That lump of gold will always be a lump of gold. That's a level of security you can't get from a limited company.

You can find out more about this by looking on the website www.usgoldbureau.com or click the link above.

Late Night Coffee

I have been up in Edinburgh for nearly two weeks now. The last time I was up here I was drinking quite a lot. I don't remember much about that visit. It was 5 years ago.

This year I am not drinking. I have been working hard and having a good time. But yesterday... something happened.

I found a coffee shop that's open till midnight. Oh dear. This trip just hit trouble. I can drink coffee all day now. Last time I was walking on stage drunk. This time I will be getting trough my act in about 5 minutes.

I don't mind that I won't be very good. I worry that I will have to write more material.

Edinburgh Traffic Lights

So, I'm up in Edinburgh performing at the fringe. It's not the first time I have been up here, the last time was a few years back when I was still very good at drinking. One thing I didn't notice back then was how the traffic lights in Edinburgh work.

I was waiting to cross George Street (a fairly wide crossing to be honest) and the lights took a while to change. When the green man lit up I started to cross. After about three seconds the bleeps stopped. Argh!

I thought I was going to die. Just before I started to run I noticed that the green man was still on. The green man is on for ages but the bleeps only last for a few seconds.

Edinburgh, you certainly like to make your blind people run.