Teeth

I think I might need help. I'm sure I have started to be able to taste my own teeth.

I'm not even kidding. Over the past few weeks I have started to be able to taste stuff in my moth when there's nothing there, and I can only think it's my teeth.

If anyone has any suggestions please email.

I Saw Ugly Betty

I was in town today and I saw a woman who had the exact same glasses as Ugly Betty on the telly.

Bummer. You have something you think looks good and then if suddenly becomes synonymous with ugliness.

There must've been loads of people who have had this throughout history. The people with the small moustaches who had to shave when Hitler got famous, the women with the Mira Hindley hair, and anyone working as a Gary Glitter tribute act.

So we should all stop doing things that could one day be linked with weirdoes. But then, most serial killers were quiet and polite when the neighbours get questioned. So go and really p**s off the bloke next door, it's the only way to stay safe.

Ice Fun

The funniest thing I have ever seen in Horley (and that really does narrow it down) happened this week.

I went there with BlackThunder Helen (the cute blonde lady I get to work with sometimes) and we turned up to an outdoor ice rink.

Some firm turns up and lays some pads of ice and makes the rink, and that's why it was funny. You see, indoor ones are, well, level. This outdoor one had been put on a slope.

An ice rink on a slope. It's a cross between figure skating and the ski slalom. It's starts off OK but 5 minutes later everyone is down the bottom.

It was done for Valentines Day, although it was mainly kids that were on it, and that's a bit odd. I mean, you shouldn't really have kids involved with anything that's about romance.

Unless it was run by one of those dodgy kid-likers. Maybe that's why it was on a slope, the dirty old man just waits at the bottom and... ooooh, no!

Monday Night Out

I was the host last night of a local band night in Crawley at Brannigans. It was supporting The British Heart Foundation (so thanks to me you're now 0.02% less likely to have a heart attack - you're welcome).

It was a great night, some really good bands.

Seems odd though. I was there to introduce them but about 10-years ago I was in a band back in Notts (lead guitar of course). So in the space of a decade I've lost talent and stopped being the one who gets the groupies.

And that's progress?

MindRant: Pins And Needles

Another of those MindRant things, from the technique many radio presenters have been taught to make material for their show, where you just write down whatever comes into your head.

I don't use it to write shows (as only losers do that) but doing it still produces some odd stuff. You can have a read of what I just wrote by clicking on the picture.



Let me know if you read it.

Steve

My Ugly Mug

The rise and rise of Steve Allen continues apace. I have confirmed what a mega star I am as I now have Steve Allen branded mugs and key rings. Oooooh, yeah!

I know you want one, don't ya! But it's tough poo. You gotta win one on my show.

I have however learnt not to send both to one person. I put the key ring in the mug, put it in the box and sent it, and this is an email I got back from a 'delighted' listener.

"Hiya Steve

How excited am I - got a lovely parcel from the postman this morning. You are truly famous now that you have your own mug - is it too precious to drink from? The key ring on the other hand is the scariest thing I have seen in a long time.

The key ring rattling around inside fooled the post office - they thought something was broken cos they enclosed an apology."

Or maybe that's the plan. If you win a mug and a key ring on my show you can then claim back from the Post Office for damaged goods and you'll be a true winner.